As struck as I was by this understanding when I first encountered it, it’s become an uncomfortable truth for me of late. I’ve tried to dodge it ... tried to find a rationalization or exemption that would cover my actions, but I have come to the realization that I can’t weasel around it.

If you want to know what someone values, look at the individual’s actions. That’s my formulation of the idea I first explicitly encountered in Gene Callahan’s wonderful book Economics for Real People [PDF]. Here’s one way he expressed it in the book (p. 251 of the PDF version):

Rothbard showed that it is only through preference demonstrated in action that we can gauge what actors really value, and that to try to deduce values from mathematical formulas, without the evidence of action, is a hopeless cause.

I have told many individuals I’d do something, and even though I am slowly getting caught up, there are still many individuals waiting on me to follow through. For some time, I’ve been trying to assauge my unease with the situation by telling myself, Thinking is a sort of action. Keeping that item in my mind will help me remember to get to it. Thinking about all the things I need to do does help me get to them ... but in the meantime, the person waiting for my explicit action has no way of knowing where he or she stands. (And, of course, I can’t keep all the things I need to see to in my head; so it’s a lousy means of organizing my time.) Absent any feedback from me, another might conclude that I have completely blown him off ... which may or may not be accurate. My North Woods friend, for example, may think I’m angry with him, or hurt or whatever, because I failed to respond to a kind invitation he extended me several months ago. Truth is, his email came at a very busy time, and right when I was starting to have email client woes too, and it slipped my mind for a while ... but I’ve been thinking about him, and that email, on a daily basis for weeks. Sadly, at this point I’m embarrassed to tell him how his invitation fell through both email and mental cracks. So he may still think I harbor negative feelings toward him when nothing could be further from the truth. And it is even more sad that I haven’t chosen to value setting the record straight enough to actually do it yet.

That’s right; my good intentions count for nothing here. Thoughts just do not count as actions, especially where others are concerned. For one thing, it’s just too damned easy for many individuals to lie about the contents of one’s head. But even if the ability existed to directly link into another’s mind, and one could access both current and past thoughtflow of another person, the fact remains that thinking requires negligible effort on our part (except if one’s trying not to think of some specific thing, like a kid eagerly awaiting a birthday, or a grownup trying not to have some annoying song repeat in one’s mind all afternoon). Just like the saying goes, “The proof of the pudding is in the eating”, so too is the proof of value in one’s actions.

All that said, there is at least one complicating wrinkle in understanding others’ actions: Each of us carries around a huge mental filter labeled “ME”. And we use that filter, consciously and unconsciously, to evaluate pretty much everything that goes on around us. She’s forgotten about me ... If she really loved me, she’d _____ (fill in the blank) ... Why does she always do (some despised thing), even though she knows I hate it?! But many times that filter leads us far astray from the reality of the situation. Yeah, it could be that a friend no longer gets in touch with you because she now thinks you’re a pompous wanker with delusions of sophistication ... or it might be that she is really busy at work, or a family member is seriously ill and requires her care, or any of a number of things that have nothing whatsoever to do with you. Our “me” filters vastly inflate our own roles in others’ lives; but even knowing that, it can still be hard to quell the self-centered stories they lead us to fabricate.

I am working on making good more of the things I said I’d do—especially candies that have been promised but not delivered for far too long. (If I’ve promised you music or something on disk, a friendly reminder would be much appreciated.) I am also trying to arrive at some balance of grokking between these ideas as they apply to others’ actions involving me. I know others get busy and/or distracted and forgetful too, but the point still remains that actions indicate value.

And with any luck, by the time I’m done making the candies our driveway will have lost its coat of ice. Damn stuff is thick enough to hold my weight ... fun for the snolfs to sled on, but not good for getting packages shipped.